Pleasing A Man/Woman

A friend of mine sent this to me this morning. the original message is filled with smileys. Ignore any character you don't understand.

Yes Men Are Impossible to please: If he calls you and your phone is off, he thinks you’re cheating…. then he sends an sms saying “don’t tell me the battery story coz I know that line:s” If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are TOO IN LOVE, moving too fast:$ ; If u Don't, he says u are PROUD;;) .If u DRESS NICELY, he says u are trying to LURE other men;If u DON'T, he says u are RURAL8-|. If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN, too manly:O; If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS, a walkover/:); If u are SMARTER than him, you’re a SHOW-OFF; If he's SMARTER than u, he is GREAT:p. If u don't LOVE him, he tries to POSSESS u:&; If u LOVE him, He takes you FOR GRANTED:(. (very true huh?)If u don't MAKE LOVE to him, he says u DON'T LOVE him>:); If u DO, he says u are CHEAP:>... If u tell him your PROBLEMS , he says u are TROUBLE8-|; If u DON'T, he says u don't TRUST him=)). If u SCOLD him, u are treating him like a CHILD=D; If he SCOLDS u, it’s because he CARES for u. (pleaiiiiiiz>:/ )X_X If u BREAK your promise, u cannot be TRUSTED:); If he BREAKS his, it is circumstances beyond his CONTROL.(yea rite!?)>:). If u SMOKE, u are a BAD girl:/; If he SMOKES, he is being a GENTLEMAN*nerd*. If u do WELL in your career, it's LUCK=D ; If he does WELL, it’s definitely BRAINS:$. (Nt luck????)If u HURT him, u are CRUEL=D; If he HURTS you, you are too SENSITIVE8-| !! HOW ARE WOMEN SUPPOSED TO GET IT RIGHT8-|:/ :) ????????If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.....The moral of the story is.......SEND THIS TO GUYS OUT THERE ANYWAY ....Send it to girls also, make them feel good, coz its freaking true.




Well here is my reply:




Women are also IMPOSSIBLE to please...I mean how do you please someone who wants to have FUN and also RUN THE WORLD? Anyway let's see what we have:

If she calls you and you don't pick, she'll assume there is someone else and for every explanation you give she'll ask you to stop lying to her.
If you treat her like a queen she'll tell her friends you are a MAGA, if you don't then you simply don't care!!
If you dress nicely you are definitely a PLAYER and if you don't then you're to SHABBY for her TASTE
If you argue with her, she'll say you don't UNDERSTAND and if you don't she'll call you a FOOL
...nd yes, if you're smarter than her you are really a SHOW-OFF but if she is smarter you'll get the "what a man can do..." speech.
If you don't love her, she'll stalk you and if you do she'll hurt you.
If you don't make love to her (yes!! Guys can say no!!) there is another person giving you. If you do she'll say you're only after her body.
If you tell her your problems you're simply not a MAN and if you don't, you see her as simply useless.
If you scold her she'll remind you that you're not her father and she scolds you its really for your own good after all she is "always right"
If you break your promise...well it goes both ways...you can't be trusted. If she does...and this is a classic...YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND!!
Well I don't condone smoking for anybody so...
If you excel in you career she'll say "behind every successful man". If she does, it all goes down to her hard work and dedication.
If you hurt her, all guys are the same. If she hurts you, it wasn't her intention.
Trying to please a woman? You'll have better luck making stone cry.
Girls won't broadcast because its true...guys, you know what to do.

I Pray For You

Haven't been in church since

I don't remember when

Things were going great

Til they fell apart again

So I listened to the preacher

As he told me what to do

Said you cant go hating others

who've done wrong to you

Sometimes we get angry

But we must not condemn

Let the good Lord do his job

And you just pray for them

Really glad I found my way to church

Cause I'm already feeling better

and I thank God for the words

So I'm gonna take the high road

And do what the preacher told me to do

You keep messing up

And I'll keep praying for you

I pray your tire blows out at 110

I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend

And wake up with horrible tattoos

And the more i think about it,

I pray your brakes go out

Running down a hill

I pray a flower pot falls

From a window sill

And knocks you in the head like I'd like to

I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls

I pray you're flying high when your engine stalls

I pray all your dreams never come true

Just know wherever you are

near or far, in your house or in your car

Wherever you are honey, I pray for you.