It seems everywhere I go, somebody wants to contradict my parenting. When passers-by see my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Ally, trip and fall they go to help her up while I'm trying to teach her to pull herself up on her own. Her friends' parents just assume I'm okay with her eating indomie. The HeteroAjayi Enforcers keep asking her if she has a boyfriend. And worst of all, they ruin our special time: robbing people inside the ABC night bus together.
"Isn't it late for such a little girl to be out?" they ask.
Wow. Just wow. They think I don't monitor my daughter's sleep just because she is out at night? Ally and I are out at 2 AM because daytime robberies can go bad really quick (do you have any idea just how many checkpoints there are now?). So you see, I'm doing what's best for her here.
"Is it safe for a little girl to hold such a big gun?"
Yes, guns can be dangerous, but I am not going to shield my daughter from all the dangers of this world. Rather than pretend life is just rainbows and ice cream, I have given her a shotgun. You think I don't care about her safety? I made it smaller for her by sawing off the barrel. And it's pretty rich that you think I'm unsafe when you're the one with a shotgun pointed at your knees.
"Please, here is my phone and my wallet! Just go! I have a family!"
Abeg o...Is that supposed to imply that I don't have a family? That just because I choose to incorporate my daughter into my life rather than leave her at home with a sitter (that will eat all the food in the house), somehow your family is better than mine? Armed robbery is the only way Ally and I feel truly alive and we will ride this horse straight to wherever this takes us. But some people see us having a good time together and they just don't understand. Would you believe someone actually called the police? The police! (as if they would ever get to the scene in time). Just because my daughter was unsupervised for a few seconds while I was threatening the driver. Go Helicopter your children. Ally and I are doing just fine.
Also, yes, a toddler in a ski mask holding a sawed-off shotgun is adorable, but don't record my daughter without my permission (all these people and their smartphones sef...). It is an invasion of her privacy and denial of her agency (yeah we still have laws in Nigeria). She is not an object of your amusement; she is a trained outlaw who will never be taken alive.
Yes, yes: I know people mean well, We all want children to grow up happy and healthy, but give the benefit of the doubt to us parents that we just might know what's best for our own kids. Please respect my decision and let me raise my own child.
Now, hurry up and pick up your dignity from the floor because the water in her toy gun is beginning to leak out.
First of all, in case you didn't figure it out...this is a joke. Second, we really need to learn to mind our business in this country. Let people raise their kids. Don't help them. Face your own and if you don't have then what makes you think you know any better? Keep your opinions to yourself.
So you weaned your baby when he was seven months old and you judge your colleague because her one-year old is still sucking? Because your child is great at maths, every other kid becomes dumb and needs extra tutorials? If God blessed you and you can afford to send a driver to pick your own kid doesn't make other parents who cant afford to, callous... We really need to stop please....Good morning
